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Basic Thaumaturgy for the Emotionally Incompetent
Basic Thaumaturgy for the Emotionally Incompetent
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[This series is set in the same Academy as this one: How To Train Your Dungeoneers. It is recommended that you read both to understand the full world building. It’s not necessary to read both to understand individual stories, however.]He can’t conjure grief, can barely levitate a pebble, and once submitted a stanza instead of a spell schematic. Meet Fabrisse Kestovar: aspiring thaumaturge rock collector, confirmed pastry enthusiast, professional bird whisperer, and perhaps the least emotionally competent student in the Order’s seven-hundred-year history.Which makes it all the more confusing when an ancient magical relic suddenly wakes up after forty-seven years of silence, launches itself across a holy sanctum, and crashes into his face.Now bonded to a forgotten epochal calibration system buried beneath layers of ritual and myth, Fabrisse gains access to the PRAXIS NODE, a long-dormant, possibly AI-driven interface that delivers cryptic quests, sarcastic prompts, and calibration objectives measured in light-years. He has a Legacy Token, no combat thresholds, and a growing collection of useless rocks the system insists are ‘historically significant.’He’s also the only one who can see any of it.Features:Weak to less weak to (maybe) strong MCA magic system based on emotional resonanceA cosmic tutorial disguised as a sacred riteSystem messages with a personality disorderBalance between crunchy numbers and intuitive magic learningSlow-burn progression, and slow-burn romanceSpell mnemonics that rhyme on purposeA chosen one who really, really shouldn’t beAnd the ugliest magic rocks you’ve ever seenFind me on my Discord server (a shared server with other fics I write)!Also posted on ScribbleHub and Fenrirealm. If you find this work anywhere else, it has been uploaded without permission.[400,000 WORDS ALREADY WRITTEN AND POSTED ON PATREON]
- Chapter 0: I will become a thaumaturge
- Chapter 1: Bunsen was a good dog
- Chapter 2: That is a stone
- Chapter 3: I can go into theoretical strata research if I know enough about rocks
- Chapter 4: The Eidralith has, for forty-seven years, done absolutely nothing
- Chapter 5: Did anyone else see the box fly at my face?
- Chapter 6: Calibrating meat vessel
- Chapter 7: This interface is referred to as the System, not “glyph”
- Chapter 8: 54% Determination + 29% Stupenstone Core + 14% Pacing Synchronization = Burden of Stones
- Chapter 9: Why are you casting spells with your armpits?
- Chapter 10: Synod forgive me, I’ve lit my sister on fire
- Chapter 11: Quadraligned Fabrisse Kestovar, Binder of Realms, Slayer of Paperwork
- Chapter 12: Primary Aether Path: Celestial Hoarding
- Chapter 13: Hi, Fabriiii~
- Chapter 14: Why don’t you have a single skill that deals damage?
- Chapter 15: I found your freckles!
- Chapter 16: Why’s the mnemonic so cringy?
- Chapter 17: He still looks like a wet goblin
- Chapter 18: Oh, I am the stuff
- Chapter 19: I will show you
- Chapter 20: What it really does
- Chapter 21: Emotional Memory Recovered: Determined Shame
- Chapter 22: Are you just spinning it in a circle?
- Chapter 23: He launched the Stone with resonance, intent, concordance!
- Chapter 24: Cope, seethe, mald
- Chapter 25: The wards on this window are outdated and very climbable
- Chapter 26: Do I look like a bird to you?
- Chapter 27: Distraction is a failure of internal discipline
- Chapter 28: It started when I smashed my face into a stack of pebbles
- Chapter 29: You were so still, the Archive categorized you as a shelf
- Chapter 30: I need to borrow Kestovar
- Chapter 31: I didn’t expect him to be . . . short
- Headmaster Draeth’s Announcement #1
- Chapter 32: “Quack,” the bird said
- Chapter 33: I’ll need to smack Cuman in the head soon
- Chapter 34: Show me you’re serious
- Chapter 35: Drink 2 liters of water a day
- Chapter 36: Gimme my WATER!
- Min Hajin‘s Research Notes #1
- Chapter 37: That looks like a doodle
- Chapter 38: I can’t compete with real effort
- Chapter 39: Stone Thaumaturgy is stupid
- Chapter 40: Kestovar. You’re with me.
- Chapter 41: Is it narcissism if I am actually just better than everyone?
- Chapter 42: Severa Montreal aura farming
- Chapter 43: Stand against the wind
- Chapter 44: What if High Instructants become collectibles?
- Archmagus Rolen‘s Revision #1
- Chapter 45: It was, unfortunately, a chicken
- Chapter 46: It was imperative that Cuman got stoned
- Chapter 47: Then they retreat dramatically into the sunset
- Chapter 48: She eats pie too?
- Chapter 48.1: Can’t you buy another pear?
- Chapter 48.2: I don’t fall. I merely descend with urgency.
- Chapter 48.3: By the ballsacks of the Synod, Kestovar!
- Chapter 48.4: You are to be my friend for the night
- Chapter 48.5: Did you hand-pick your friends, or does this one just happen to look like your crush?
- Chapter 48.6: Who cares about someone else’s friendship?
- Chapter 48.7: Why did you tackle the cat?
- Chapter 48.8: Meow meow
- Chapter 48.9: Finding the cat gives me meaningful progression
- Chapter 48.10: Severa would rather meow at a cat than apologize to him
- Chapter 49: I don’t want to hear your excuses unless it’s ‘chip chip’
- Chapter 50: The whole world has a personal vendetta against me!
- Chapter 51: Rock-solid performance
- Chapter 52: Shortcuts are for show-offs and corpses
- Chapter 53: Assistant Hajin told me to, uh, meditate
- Chapter 54: Can I harmonize with you, Liene?
- Chapter 55: Fabri threw rocks at bullies without telling me
- Chapter 55.2: The great bearer of the Eidralith in the noble pursuit of picking rocks (NEW CONTENT)
- Chapter 55.3: Please don’t talk unless it’s something important, like rocks
- Chapter 55.4: Earth Thaumaturgy really is redundant
- Chapter 55.5: Good morning, good day, goodbye
- Chapter 55.6: Do you eat food?
- Chapter 55.7: That’s what happens when you don’t eat
- Chapter 56: Why are my sidequests all nonsense?
- Chapter 57: I need to touch his nose so bad
- Chapter 58: If the artifact told you to touch my nose, I can only assume it’s scentient
- Chapter 59: Every Professor’s favorite student pairing
- Chapter 60: Fabrisse Kestovar and the Infinity Gauntlet
- Headmaster Draeth’s Announcement #2
- Headmaster Draeth’s EXTREMELY IMPORTANT Announcement #1
- Chapter 61: Who’s my girlfriend? (1)
- Chapter 61: Who’s my girlfriend? (2)
- Chapter 62: We ride at dusk!
- Chapter 63: Now go put the remaining five thousand Skitterwhits into your jar
- Chapter 64: Why did you murder my child?
- Chapter 65: If you want to . . .
- Chapter 66: You’re not mad, you’re just misunderstood
- Chapter 67: Don’t think, just cast
- Chapter 68: I see we’re having . . . an educational moment
- Headmaster Draeth’s Announcement #3
- Chapter 69: Nice
- Chapter 70: Imagine what you could do with actual talent
- Chapter 71: It’s my ritual hat
- Chapter 72: One must not skimp on the reverence
- Chapter 73: You must have one happy moment in your life, right?
- Chapter 74: How do I know you’re not just harvesting my trauma for sport?
- Chapter 75: Of course. Bask.
- Chapter 76: It’s the petal hugger!
- Here you can find the secret ending
- Chapter 77: “Pew-pew!” she said
- Chapter 78: There was NO hugging involved
- Chapter 79: I am physics, and you just violated natural law.
- Chapter 80: Say ‘We’re just academic partners!’
- Donation to the Synod (for very important expenditures)
- Chapter 81: She’s the Moonbear Archmagus, but please don’t refer to her that way
- Chapter 82: A fine young man like you . . .
- Chapter 83: So it’s politics
- Chapter 84: Gid good
- Chapter 85: That means you kind of suck, Kestovar
- Chapter 86: That was ‘crazy-yo’
- Chapter 87: Why’s Dubbie here?
- Chapter 88: I admire your ability to collect rocks even after failing five consecutive exams
- Chapter 89: I can’t shoot a bird!
- Chapter 90: I’m not letting Tom be the reason I finish this quest
- Chapter 91: How do you throw a rock at someone reverently?
- Chapter 92: Yeah but the +2 RES though
- Chapter 93: You may applaud now
- Chapter 94: Is that a Silico-Dormant Obscura, Grade Theta?
- Chapter 95: Impressively Not First
- Headmaster Draeth’s Announcement #4
- Chapter 96: You’re going to make Fabrisse blush
- Chapter 97: I have done some digging into your personal life
- Chapter 98: Third Arm of the Beaver
- Chapter 99: Come out and fight fair!
- Chapter 100: She’d lost a pen trying to fight off the void, while he’d lost nothing
- Chapter 101: “It’s showtime”
- Chapter 102: She should’ve been called Celine Duckling
- Chapter 103: The butler for the butler
- Chapter 104: No man will ever reduce me to a giggling mess with just a smolder and a jawline
- Chapter 105: You guys could perspire together!
- Chapter 106: Can you stop casting spells on me . . .
- Chapter 107.1: Don’t flake on me, Mister ‘I Forgot’
- Chapter 107.2: You’re conspiring against me, Eidralith, by giving me this quest!
- Chapter 108: Try smashing rocks instead of studying them
- Chapter 109: Split her open and feast on her blood
- The Eidralith’s Note #1
- Chapter 110: I tortured you purely for your well-being
- Chapter 111: You don’t want a snobby nerd making a hobby out of you
- Chapter 112: Why did you name a male duck Mercy?
- Chapter 113: Like two snakes in a very petty argument over volume
- Chapter 114: Whoever that person was, they were UGLY
- Chapter 115: I need to get within two meters of the fire!
- Chapter 116: Why does Ilya always have the most ridiculous spells?
- Chapter 117: Initiating Forced Shutdown
- Chapter 118: I will end you in five moves
- Chapter 119: So you have a problem with me specifically
- Chapter 120: Undead means he’s already dead
- Chapter 121: He didn’t even know their gender
- Chapter 122: You’re the first boy I’ve met who could make limestone sound fascinating
- Chapter 123: Allegedly, you slept with my daughter
- Chapter 124: Stone, Silent
- Chapter 125: How about we happen to be on a date tonight at nine?
- Chapter 126: You can’t hoard my friends too
- Chapter 127: And maybe that weird boy needed a friend
- Chapter 128: You look so pretty
- Chapter 129: Mother! Sis brought home another rock nerd again!
- How To Train Your Dungeoneers
- Chapter 130: They have a JAR of Stupenstone?
- Chapter 131: Are you of age for work?
- Chapter 132: I am now an adequate spellcaster
- Chapter 133: I don’t want to lie to myself tonight
- Chapter 134: This will probably be weird, Fabrisse
- Chapter 135: His hair’s silkier than mine
- Chapter 136: Basic Thaumaturgy for the Emotionally Incompetent
- Bonus Content 1: The Meeting by the North Pond
- Book 2 Pre-Announcement
- Book 2, Chapter 1: By fire, be purged!
- Book 2, Chapter 2: I can’t afford fun right now
- Book 2, Chapter 3: But you didn’t do anything
- Book 2, Chapter 4: You’re not scared of a couple of shiny bracelets, are you?
- Book 2, Chapter 5: What’s the worst that could happen? Her striking up a conversation?
- Book 2, Chapter 6: Consider this my gesture of goodwill
- Book 2, Chapter 7: If you have found me harsh before, it might have been because you were below-par
- Book 2, Chapter 8: Weekends for her would probably just be another weekday
- Book 2, Chapter 9: Celestial Repository Invocation, Rank I
- Book 2, Chapter 9.1: Function first, silence second, appearances never
- Book 2, Chapter 9.2: Have you met my companion?
- Book 2, Chapter 9.3: That’s what he said
- Book 2, Chapter 9.4: Sedimental Recall Failed
- Chapter 9.5: Now that’s definitely not what happened
- Chapter 9.6: They were talking about you
- Chapter 9.7: Chivalry incarnate
- Chapter 9.8: Let’s touch grass together!
- Chapter 9.9: Oh, I am very much in trouble
- Chapter 9.10: Fate? Brought me here to look at pottery bowls?
- Book 2, Chapter 9.11: Maybe she just liked being extra
- Book 2, Chapter 9.12: Kestovar’s uniquely immune to emotional overload
- Book 2, Chapter 9.13: I’ve got rocks in the Aetherrealm
- Book 2, Chapter 9.14: Critical Kettle Damage
- Book 2, Chapter 9.15: Please spare me the attitude
- Chapter 9.16: ‘A directive’, he said
- Book 2, Chapter 9.17: Can moths get concussed?
- Book 2, Chapter 9.18: Do you have a humiliation kink?
- Book 2, Chapter 9.19: Die, Insect! (1)
- Book 2, Chapter 9.20: I’ll also die, but I get to keep my finger
- Book 2, Chapter 9.21: They don’t teach you field triage through fighting goblins
- Book 2, Chapter 9.22: I don’t want to be correct
- Book 2, Chapter 9.23: Stop the wind, Kestovar
- Book 2, Chapter 9.24: Figure it out faster!
- Chapter 9.25: The world detonated
- Chapter 9.26: One generally couldn’t survive without a head
- Book 2, Chapter 9.27: He’d survived two near-death experiences, but then he met his ex
- Chapter 9.28: I just love chests of all sizes
- Starring Anabeth Von Silberthal
- Book 2, Chapter 9.29: I can now kill two bugs, and it only took a month!
- Book 2, Chapter 9.30: Are you going to tell me the truth? (Liene’s POV)
- Book 2, Chapter 9.31: How you killed the mantis man?
- Book 2, Chapter 9.32: Welcome to the dullest edge of a very sharp problem (Liene’s POV)
- Book 2, Chapter 9.34: Ah, f*ck (Liene’s POV)
- Book 2, Chapter 9.34: That sentence did not survive translation
- Book 2, Chapter 9.35: The theory was sound. The execution wasn’t
- Book 2, Chapter 9.36: That’s an idiotic question, Kestovar
- Book 2, Chapter 9.37: She’s only 51kg? She needs to eat more . . .
- Book 2, Chapter 9.39: Critical Internal Damage—Multiple Locations
- Book 2, Chapter 9.39: Forgive me, Kestovar
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